Mums' Own Words

Being a mum means being consumed by an unconditional love it’s impossible to find words for, it’s being tired to the core and soldiering on, it’s about having spare moments - never spare time.  It’s listening to stories with no end or point and laughing at jokes that aren’t funny except for the way they’re told.  It’s getting used to an unrelenting overuse of the word “mum” and digging deep into your reserves of patience and fortitude.  It’s phases and constantly changing, unchartered territory. It’s learning to be vulnerable as well as in charge.  It’s sticky hands, snacks and spills, arts and crafts and swings, slides and zip wires.  It’s soothing bumped knees, clocking toilet trips, being at the ready with an endless supply of wet wipes.  It’s about finding a smile when you want to cry and explaining happy tears, when those moments sneak up on you.  Above all it’s a heart that melts every time they look at me with whatever the emotion of that minute.  And again, a love that I have not even come close to finding the words for.  Being a mum is the best part of being me.  Fenella Buchanan, mum of two

Being a mum isn't about how that baby became yours, for many people the path to motherhood isn't a straight line. What matters is everything that follows. The way you strive to do everything right for them, to be a storyteller, a comforter, a teacher, a cook, a nurse. But ultimately being a mum is about  bringing up children who are loved and who have an endless capacity for love in return, and believing in them so that they learn to believe in themselves.  Rachel Fellah, mum of one

Being a mother means a lot of patience, sacrifice and hard work. It means having to constantly put others before yourself all whilst being sleep deprived. It means a lot of worry and guilt and it can at times mean you lose yourself for a few years whilst you battle with those you get little back from. 

However, being a mother will be the greatest work any of us will ever do. It will be the most important cause we will ever be involved in and the best use of our time, talents and effort. Our children and the next generation deserve us to give them our best and to be better than our parents were in rasing us. Raising children will test us to our very limits but we will find no greater joy from any other work we can be involved in.  Jen Hough Norton, mum of four

Being a mum means learning that before, you hadn't fully understood what love is. It's a love so big you don't quite know what to do with it or how to contain it. It's a love that's so intense that it literally hurts. On becoming a mum, I was finally able to make sense of that famous picture of the woman running into the tsunami to save her children. Understanding that you would endure anything for this tiny infuriating person in front of you. It means the contradiction of seeing someone's imperfections, yet still thinking they are perfect. Being a mum means feeling love, awe, wonder, bemusement, frustration, joy, anger, grief, pride, fear, regret and amazement all at the same time. Being a mum means often feeling like you 'can't do this anymore', yet  doing it. Being a mum means reading the same stories, listening to the same songs, watching the same films, over and over until they drive you mad, then missing them when the interest passes. Being a mum means testing the limits of your physical and mental endurance, in ever new ways, and discovering both the best and the worst of yourself. Being a mum gave me a new relationship with my body, an utter amazement and pride that it can create, grow and feed a whole human being. Being a mum means the sacrifice of so much, and sometimes wondering why, then every day experiencing magical little moments that make you realise it was so, so worth it.  Helena Kidd, mum of two

‘Mother’

It is difficult to define the exact meaning of motherhood. It seems no matter how many words come to mind, the emotion and responsibility that comes with the title is pretty immense and hard to describe.

From the very early days when everything is new and surreal you become a different being from the one you once were. Nothing is more important than that tiny beating heart in sync with yours. You dream of their future, imagine what they will be and subconsciously worry every second of every day whether you are doing this important job right.

Motherhood comes with a protective super power you never knew you had. A human instinct that overrules the madness and pushes you through the monotonous harder days. An invisible cloak made of patience, understanding and unconditional love that you wear every day.

Being mummy is ceasing every single joyous second in between the tumbles and falls, the tantrums, the inquisitive questions. It is constantly juggling plates and feeling the pressure to do it all.

It is wanting to bottle the present moment like fireflies in a jar, cherishing that happy laughter and wishing once a particular phase had been and gone you could open that jar to relive it once more.

Being a mum is a gift that not everyone is given. It is so precious and pure. A combination of experiences, hopes and dreams for your baby’s life.

Being a mama is going to bed each night feeling content that your child is safe and warm. Being in a state of peaceful content that you have done your best, that you are needed and incredibly loved by your little human and so tomorrow you will do it all over again.  Katie Jefferis, mum of two

Being a mum is a crossroads of joy, anarchy, pride, and doubt. We have twin girls, which marked us as a different breed from the many circles we have formed – if I had a pound for every ‘you have your hands full’ comment, we would be millionaires. We were stopped in the street with our huge, bright red (bad idea) double buggy, a travelling circus with an audience of (mostly) well-meaning but nosey strangers. Our twins group was like an AA meeting, with exhausted (and exhausting) mothers exchanging stories of how awful every detail of their lives had become. I didn’t last long – through the haze of everything, I still felt (and still feel) extraordinarily lucky that against the odds, these beautiful babes were mine. As they have got older, we have all matured, knowing that every battle cannot be won, and that there is not one pace or path for not just our children, but for us as parents. Long before I had met my husband, my mum said ‘you will never know true love until you have a child’. I never knew what she meant until I was kissing their tiny heads. The centre of your universe changes in an instant. Priorities are recalibrated; decades old relationships are lost, reframed or strengthened; and your limits are no longer physical, but mental too. Working full time means that there is an eternal juggle of not just duties but also headspace – but it can all work itself out. If 2020 has taught us anything, its that the scale of what we worry about can be pretty insignificant, and that time is precious – making memories is the richest currency, and although there are long days, the months do roll quickly. So to all fellow mums – perfection does not exist, but we do...  Leila Chapman, mum of twins